The Comedy Thesaurus by Judy Brown


Maps	"At home I have a map of the United States, actual size. I spent all summer folding it." - Steven Wright

Turtles	"Has any turtle ever outlived a shaker of turtle food?" - JerrySeinfeld

Sex	"I think sex is beautiful between the right man and the right woman, but it's difficult to get between the right man and woman." - Woody Allen

Physique	"I'm in very bad shape. I hurt myself playing scrabble." - Rodney Dangerfield

Driving	"When my husband and I are in the car, I usually let him drive.Because when I drive, he has a tendency to bite the dashboard" - Rita Rudner

Family	"My father wore the pants in the family - at least after the court order." - Vernon Chapman